So in the child, besides the vital impulse to create himself, and to become perfect, there must yet another purpose, a duty to fulfill in harmony, something he has to do in the service of a united whole. – Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind, p. 57.

The lessons in grace and courtesy are a cornerstone in the Montessori methodology. Indeed, these lessons can be expanded to include courtesy to those outside our immediate community in the form of community service. There is a natural need in every human being to find one’s place in the cosmos by finding fulfillment both inside and outside oneself. Montessori believed that it is the duty of every person to work toward and be part of something great which not only serves individual interests but those of all humanity. To understand this great relationship, children must be nurtured in the ways of grace, courtesy, and service in order for it to flourish and grow throughout their lives.

Within every young child is the need for order. The initial lessons of grace and courtesy center on building the Montessori classroom community, and they are often presented in the context of the Montessori practical life curriculum. These lessons help answer the child’s questions of how they fit into and participate in their environment. Using clear language and modeling, Montessori teachers present these lessons to provide structure so the child can know their place not only in the Montessori environment but also in the world at large.

Montessori Grace and Courtesy: Lesson Resources for Infants, Toddlers & Preschoolers

Toddlers are very empathetic. They become concerned when hearing a baby cry and are quick to offer help and sympathy if someone is hurt or seems sad. They have a natural propensity to serve others. They are learning to identify these emotions within themselves and are able to show an awareness of and compassion for others through this empathy.

Children between the ages of 2.5 to 6 are in a sensitive period for learning courtesy and manners. Learning to act appropriately in one’s own culture is another aspect of the lessons of grace and courtesy. These lessons that usually begin at home, are continued as soon as the child enters the Montessori environment. By developing a sense of cultural awareness, children learn how to live with dignity, respect and politeness toward themselves and others.

Early Lessons in Grace and Courtesy
Early lessons of grace and courtesy develop positive interpersonal skills that will serve children throughout their lives. The Montessori teacher demonstrates practical life activities involving grace and courtesy and also models courteous behavior themself. These lessons are designed to nurture the child’s natural qualities of grace and courtesy and their inherent desire to contribute to the peaceful order of their environment.

These lessons include, but are not limited to

• greeting someone
• introducing oneself
• shaking hands
• receiving visitors
• apologizing/excusing oneself
• watching and observing others
• waiting
• taking turns
• interrupting/asking for help
• using a quiet voice
• speaking in a polite tone
• saying please and thank you
• blowing one’s nose
• coughing and sneezing
• washing one’s hands
• inviting and refusing a partner or playmate
• respecting others and their space
• walking around people and objects
• sitting on and putting away a chair
• walking in line
• offering food
• caring for works, books, and the environment
• rolling a rug
• carrying work or objects
• being silent
• being kind
• making friends

The desire to be gracious and courteous is naturally present in the child. The Montessori teacher and Montessori parents seek to support these desires by gentle modeling and encouragement of this natural tendency. Many of these lessons are not “shelf works.” Some are demonstrations, while others are simply behavior absorbed through the child’s careful observation of their world. Positive models of grace and courtesy provide the example and environment for the development of peaceful young citizens.

The NAMC 3-6 Practical Life manual provides lessons in Grace and Courtesy.