When I was growing up, I thought one of the best things anyone could say to me was “You’re such a good girl.” I tried hard to be good and to live up to the expectations set before me. I wanted to be good; I wanted my parents to be proud of me. Later in life, I would tell people “You’d be so proud of me!” Until one day, someone asked me, “But, are you proud of you?”

When I became a Montessori teacher, I kept hearing from other teachers about not praising the children’s work. What? Could I actually be hearing them correctly? Montessori teachers don’t praise work? How then did a child know if she’d done the work correctly? My colleagues suggested I use encouragement instead of praise. They suggested phrases like “Well, how do you think you did? What do you think of your work? What would you do differently if you had a chance to do the work again?” It sounded like a bad counseling session to me, so I sat and listened and observed my colleagues in action.

Montessori Philosophy: Learning to use Encouragement Over Praise in the Montessori Classroom

Praise

Let’s face it, who doesn’t enjoy praise? It feels good to know someone likes us or likes what we’ve done. Praise motivates good behavior – temporarily. Do I only act this way as long as I’m receiving praise? What happens when it’s taken away? What are the conditions or parameters to ensure I continue to receive praise?

• “You’re such a good girl”
• “You did it just like I told you to.”
• “All A’s? You deserve a reward.”
• “I’m glad you listened to me.”
• “You really know what makes me proud.”
• “I’m proud of you.”

Encouragement

Encouragement is empowering. There are no conditions and it isn’t judgmental. The receiver is encouraged to make judgments of their own behavior, work, and ultimately, worth.

• “I really appreciate your help.”
• “I knew you could do it.”
• “You did your best and you didn’t give up.”
• “You must be proud of yourself.”
• “I have faith in you.”
• “I trust your decision.”
• “I love you no matter what.”

In the beginning, it may take some conscious effort to use encouragement, rather than praise. It may not feel natural or sound right to your ears. It takes restraint not to give praise for a job well done. I, myself, have been really making an effort to use more encouragement with my own son, who is struggling with time management. He has many projects due at school this year and has never really been held accountable to strict deadlines before.

I’ve seen a vast improvement in his attitude toward himself and his ability because I’ve chosen to encourage him. Words like, “It was tough, but you really stuck to it” and “You must be proud of yourself for accomplishing so much” has really made him start to take pride in his work.

That’s not to say that you should never use praise, either. But think of praise like a big, thick piece of chocolate cake. It tastes great and is good every once in a while. But we couldn’t survive just eating cake. Encouragement is the nourishment our emotional body needs to sustain itself. In the long run, you will be building strong, healthy individuals who are able to look to themselves to make decisions and know the answers.

NAMC’s Montessori 3-6 Classroom Guide has a section on The Role of the Teacher, which discusses Acknowledging Positive Behavior and Over-praise.